Great Expectations

Love doesn’t let us down – its what we expect it should deliver

From a young age, we’re handed the script: find the right person, fall in love, and the rest will follow. Happiness. Security. Meaning. We expect that love will complete something in us. And if it doesn’t, we assume something’s wrong with the partner, or worse, with us.

We never pause to ask: Is this expectation even humanly possible?

A client once shared, “I thought once I got married, the loneliness would stop.” She did get married. The loneliness didn’t. And so came the confusion. If I did everything right, why do I still feel unseen?

These expectations are not just personal. They’re cultural. They’re inherited. And they are powerful. So powerful, they can make us stay in relationships that don’t feel right. They can make us chase affection rather than connection, performance rather than presence.

Often, these expectations are never spoken aloud but they live inside us like silent contracts: 

“I should always feel wanted.”  

“They should know how I feel.”  

“If I’m chosen, I’ll feel worthy.”  

“If they leave, I’ll be nothing.”

Phee and Matt were no different. They fell hard, married quickly and believed they had something special. But as years passed, something shifted. The joy dimmed. The routines took over. They became parents, housemates, project managers but not lovers, not playmates. And they each thought: What happened?

They didn’t fall out of love. They fell under the weight of expectation.

Like many, Phee and Matt hadn’t “failed” each other, they’d simply been running their marriage on silent assumptions. They expected connection without communication, passion without effort, understanding without vulnerability. And when the fantasy didn’t hold, they blamed the relationship instead of the myth that shaped it.

In the session, Phee said, “I just thought he’d know what I needed.” In response, Matt replied, “ I thought she’d always be like she was when I met her.”

It wasn’t betrayal that caused the distance, it was the expectation that love would stay magical without being nourished. 

The belief is that a partner will fix our past, prove our worth, or make up for love we didn’t receive. These are heavy burdens for anyone to carry. And they cloud our ability to see the other person clearly and ourselves..

Expectations often come from unhealed places. When we expect someone else to make us feel secure, it may be because security was missing early on. When we expect constant closeness, it may be because absence was once overwhelming. 

Unmet expectations aren’t proof that something has gone wrong.

They’re quiet reminders that a part of us still longs to be seen and understood. 

When we stop treating these longings as problems to fix or truths to follow, something opens. We begin to relate to life with more space, more honesty. And in that space, love no longer clings to what should be…it begins to move freely, with greater ease and steadiness that comes from seeing more clearly.

Questions to consider:  

·      What did you once believe a relationship would solve?  

·      Are you chasing the person they were or meeting who they are now?  

·      What expectation is hardest for you to let go of and what does it protect?

·      What would shift if you questioned your idea of how love “should” feel?

If this resonates, I offer online sessions that help uncover the unrealistic ideals that quietly erode connection. Love doesn’t fail us but the myths we build around it often do.

Visit www.katinapallaras.com for  online sessions or for my book Awaken the Heart.