Holding Power To Feel Safe

Some people take power because they want it. Others take it because they don’t know how else to feel safe.

Holding power can look like dominance. But underneath it, there’s often a wound, a fear that if they let go, they’ll be left behind, humiliated or hurt. Control becomes a shield.

Like Dean. He wasn’t cruel. He didn’t raise his voice.

Yet, everything had to be his way, from what his partner wore to how the bills were paid. Underneath it all was a boy who never felt chosen.

A boy who watched his father belittle his mother and swore never to be disrespected again. In trying to protect himself, he became the one causing harm.

We rarely see the control we hold when we’re holding it to survive. Power can look like the confident woman who always has the last word.

The parent who justifies harsh punishments in the name of discipline. The employee who micromanages every detail to avoid mistakes.

In relationships, this often creates silence or resentment. One person holds the reins; the other slowly disappears. The problem isn’t that you want to feel safe, it’s that safety was never given another way.

No one taught you how to be soft without being hurt. How to be wrong without being punished. How to share power without losing yourself. But you can learn now.

It starts by noticing the grip. The need to control. The urgency to fix or explain. The instinct to have the upper hand.

And in that moment… pause.

What would happen if you didn’t?

Power doesn’t have to mean pushing through. Sometimes, the most courageous thing is to soften.Because real safety, the kind that lasts, doesn’t come from power over others. It comes from power within.

QUESTIONS:

What situations make you feel the need to take control?

How did you learn that control equals safety?

What does safety look and feel like, without control?

To explore this further, visit www.katinapallaras.com for online sessions or to order my book Awaken the Heart.